Boy, I suck at keeping things updated.
Big reason why I was so reluctant to start a blog in the first place. I am terrible about keeping these things up. I always tried to keep a diary as a teenager but I never kept up for longer than a day or two. Nobody read it but me and so I didn't see the point.
Then again, I don't know if anyone sees this blog either.
The boys would have been three right about now. Sassy toddlers. Maybe with a Thomas the Train fixation or a deep and abiding love of all things Toy Story. Maybe potty training. Flooding the bathroom during bath time. Coloring on the walls. Chasing the cat.
I'll never know.
I miss them.
The grief is very quiet these days. I'm not struck blind by pain and I am not as fearful of losing my composure in public when I am unprepared. Their memory box lives on a shelf in the living room next to the TV. I want to be able to grab it on my way out the door in case of a fire or a zombie invasion. It is irreplaceable.
Emotionally, I am ready to try again. Physically, I am as ready as I ever will be.
My dragonflies have three siblings in storage right now. We have been storing the three remaining embryos for the last few years and it is now time to give them a chance to live.
I'm now raising money to help pay for the cost of storage fees for 2013 and 2014 as well as costs for a frozen embryo transfer (FET).
So far I have raised enough to pay for the storage fees for 2013. This bill is due right now because it accidentally didn't get paid in September like it was supposed to. I can breathe a little easier knowing that it is taken care of.
The next bill for $610 will be due in the coming September and it is also storage fees.
The plan is to try again summer 2014. This gives me a year to raise enough money to pay for medication, procedure cost, and any extra fees. I'm using GoFundMe.com because it allows me to watch the progress and keep track of how much more I need. Also I can set it up so that every paycheck I get, I can throw in a bit into my maybebaby fund.
I need at the most $5,000. I feel totally weird asking people for help but if you have any desire to help a stranger out, please consider chipping in a few bucks. I've attached a widget that links to my GoFundMe donation page.
I hope to keep this blog up a bit better. I still need to take pictures of my dragonflies around my house.
Another day.
Another try.
I am still trying.
